Does positive thinking really work?
If you follow any coaches or psychologists, you’ve probably heard them say something like: “You just need to reframe your thoughts and everything will seem different.” But can you actually reframe your thoughts? The fact is: you cannot control what you think about next, so it is impossible! If you try to reframe your thoughts, you are actually adding a lot of unnecessary thinking on your mind.
When I think about all the people out there who feel really troubled, I wonder how often they are told things like “oh you just need to think more positively”. Of course, it probably doesn’t work for them. I expect they are sick of hearing it. They may even feel more depressed, judging themselves for what a failure they think they are. “What is wrong with me? I cannot see anything positive here”.
What about you? Can you think positive thoughts 24/7 every day? No way!
To try to think positively all the time is hard work, let's face it. What I want you to know is that it’s ok to feel however you feel. To feel sad, emotional, anxious, angry - all of these feelings are as much part of our human experience as feeling happy, joyful and excited. The very nature of life is that it is up and down. There are days we perceive as hard and others as light-hearted. Whether dark or light, is all part of the human experience.
So if life is not always sunshine and roses, what can we do when sometimes it all seems bleak? What if you knew deep down that the bleakness would all pass by? It will pass and you will feel different - maybe in a week, an hour or by the end of the day. Regardless, in 6 months you are likely to look back and think: “what was that all about?”
Our thinking constantly shifts and we concentrate on the next issue. We humans like to think, but when there is no story to hang on to, we become a bit lost. Try it out now: open your ears, ask how the person next to you is doing and listen to their answer. You might hear: “Ohhh I am so annoyed this morning I had an argument with my husband” “I am really worried about the political situation” “I am so stressed with work” Now the common answer would be, “Ah, try to think positively, it’s not so bad!”
Of course, the moment anyone concentrates on all that stuff, it feels like the end of the world. When I started to have deeper insight about the inside-out understanding, I realized when people asked me how I was, in this moment, I am actually always ok. It is only when I contemplate all the other ‘stuff’, my mind takes me there and I am not here.
The truth is: your mind is always where you direct your focus. Nobody and nothing can put feelings into you. You may get caught up in your thinking as you are having a human experience. But that’s it! It will pass.
Mavis Karn said something amazing that sums this up: “we are intelligent beings, having the capacity to think ourselves separately and knowing so.” That is all you need to know. No need to reframe your thoughts, just embrace total acceptance.
For me, knowing that I can hang in there until my experience is passing by, like the clouds in the sky, constantly changing. Nothing to do! This knowing creates a different path for me. Sometimes that can take a long time, sometimes it happens quickly.
My experience is not dependent on other people, or my circumstances, but is created by thought. This deep realisation will end your suffering and takes you back to feel greater moments of contentment and joy.
Sometimes, it is helpful to talk things over with someone else! Talking helps us to express what is sleeping inside of us. A genuine conversation can wake up new possibilities in you.
Shall I show you what you have going for yourself and what you are capable of?